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What to Do When Your child Comes Out As LGBTQ

lgbtq-2112266_640So your child just came out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. What do you do?

The best initial response from parents is to “give their child a hug, to say that you love them,” said Kathy Godwin, board vice president for the organization PFLAG, which supports the LGBT community and helps to educate parents, families and friends.

“And then you can follow up and say, ‘You know, I don’t know everything I need to know, so give me a moment and some time, and with your help we’ll both go through this journey,’ ” Godwin says.

While each situation will be different, a parent should first reassure a child “that you have their back and that you love them unconditionally,” says Elijah C. Nealy, author of the new book Transgender Children and Youth: Cultivating Pride and Joy With Families in Transition.

This should happen “whether you understand everything or not, whether you are OK with them being LGBT or not,” advises Nealy, a transgender man and clinical social worker. “Because more and more, we’re understanding that that kind of acceptance and support from family is the critical mediating variable in terms of risk factors.”

“How you react to your gay or transgender children has a deep and lasting impact on their lives,” the Family Acceptance Project says in an information guide.

Advice for Parents

Be a good listener
Reassure in small ways
Learn the terms
Seek professional help if needed
Get involved
Remember that your feelings are valid
Be open-minded

See the full article in USA Today online for more detailed advice and recommended resources.


Do you need someone to talk to? CHC Care Managers can arrange a free 30-minute Care Consultation so you can explore options with an expert. Call or email our Care Managers at 650.688.3625 or caremanager@chconline.org to set up an initial Consultation appointment.

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