Cindy Lopez: Welcome. My name is Cindy Lopez, the host of this CHC podcast, Voices of Compassion. We hope you find a little courage, feel connected and experience compassion every time you listen.

Parenting a child with unique needs can feel isolating. In this episode, we talk with our own CHC parent support group facilitators and licensed psychologists, Dr. Olivia McDonald, Dr. Emily Cree, and Dr. Emily Hsu about how parent support groups create vital connections for families facing unique challenges that go far beyond typical parenting experiences. Our experts share insights on why peer support is so valuable for parents dealing with complex diagnoses. From the relief of knowing you’re not alone to the practical wisdom that comes from shared experience. Whether you’re newly navigating this journey or seeking community after years of going it alone, this episode offers hope and practical guidance for finding your support village because when parents feel anchored and understood, children benefit too.

Thank you so much for joining us today, Dr. Hsu and Dr. McDonald and Dr. Cree. This is a really timely topic as we think about parents and supporting their families and getting back into school with their kids. Lots of parents feel very alone, so this is an important topic to talk about how parents can get support very specifically through a parent support group and the values of that. Our support groups include, support groups for parents of kids with learning differences, support group for parents of kids with ADHD, and another one for parents of kids with anxiety. So, could you tell us a little bit more about yourselves before we launch into our conversation?

Emily Cree, PysD: I am Dr. Emily Cree. I’m a clinical psychologist at CHC and have worked for years doing diagnostic assessments and therapy with areas of specialty with ADHD and autism as well as learning differences, anxiety, and depression. And I would just say it’s a privilege facilitating the ADHD parent support group for the last four years. It’s been really great.

Olivia McDonald, PsyD: Hi, I am Dr. Olivia McDonald. I’m also a psychologist here with similar specialties to Dr. Cree. One of my big emphases with my teens and parents that I work with individually is supporting the parent-child relationship and just offering services from like a DBT lens. I believe I am the newest to the Parent Support Group team. I just finished my first season, and I’m really excited to launch into the next with you guys.

Emily Hsu, PhD: Hello everyone. My name is Dr. Emily Hsu. I am a bilingual Spanish/English clinical psychologist. I provide a little bit of a unique perspective at Children’s Health Council because I am trained as an adult psychologist, even though I have worked with six plus all the way until 99 years of age. I’m very excited to be facilitating the Learning Differences Group because I do also work with parents outside of this group through parent coaching. I’m also an evaluation psychologist and just very happy to be talking today about such an important topic.

Cindy Lopez: Thank you all for being here today. So, as we get started, first let’s talk about what the parent experience is, especially if you’re a parent of a child with learning differences or anxiety and/or ADHD. What are some of the things that parents face as they work to support their kids? And what makes a parent support group particularly valuable in that process?

Olivia McDonald, PsyD: That’s a really great one, Cindy. I think this is like one of those ones where there’s like any number of reasons that a parent support group would be beneficial. And I recognize that our parents experience a lot of different obstacles. One of the ones that we come across a lot in the anxiety group is just navigating resources – that there are so many resources and yet there’s also like this idea of like, which one’s the right one for me? Which one’s the most accessible to me? How do I access services in the school, outside of the school? And then also finding providers that are available because I recognize that waitlists can be extremely long and sometimes the resource that parents are looking for as an advocate versus like individual therapy or parent coaching, and it can feel really overwhelming to look at all of these different resources and coming to a parent support group can really help them to narrow down what is the right fit for the specific difficulties I have going on at home with my child. And then hearing about like other parent experiences of the resources they’ve accessed and the successes they’ve had, or the difficulties they’ve had in order to kind of just compare that and use it as information for themselves to move forward in picking what they think might be best for them.

Emily Cree, PysD: I would echo a lot of what Dr. McDonald was saying, but I think for parents of children with ADHD, what I hear a lot is the struggle of feeling a sense of other, that parents are being judged because of their kids’ behaviors and that can feel so isolating. So, I think the parent support group has provided a space where parents really feel their struggles are seen and understood with compassion, that they’re not alone in the parenting struggle of, gosh, my kid with ADHD has these behaviors and when we’re out in public it feels really difficult because they’re getting stares from other parents that feel judgmental and hard. So, I have found a group being a safe space for people to really share what their struggles are and feeling seen.

Cindy Lopez: So, you talked a little bit about the parent experience and some of the specific things they face, especially for parents of kids with LD, ADHD, anxiety. How does that parent experience differ from a more typical parenting experience, where you maybe don’t have the kids with those kinds of challenges?

Emily Hsu, PhD: We all know that being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. I would say the most difficult job in the world, right? There are so many you know, books out there, you get experiences from other parents or individuals, whether it’s solicited or not. And so I think just in general, being a parent of say a neurotypical child is already extremely challenging in and of itself, right? It takes a village. And so I would say, and I’m going to use some of the terms, some of my parents have stated in my learning differences group, when you have a child that’s neuro-spicy, a child that feels a little bit differently, experiences the world a little bit differently, it’s really challenging and it’s really hard when you see your child struggling, right? Whether it’s socially and emotionally and academically, which is what I’m seeing. And I think it’s one of those kinds of things where it’s already hard to be a parent. And then when you notice that your child is not learning – I’m just going to say learning from my learning differences group – in a way that society, especially in Silicon Valley expects, where there is this expectation of you can learn verbally, you can learn non-verbally, you process just like other peers, and you hear a direction once you don’t need to be shown, or even if you’re shown, like you’re definitely going to get it the first time. I think it can feel very isolating. And it can feel very hard because a lot of questions I get from parents, especially when they’re looking at schools is even though there are a lot of wonderful schools out there that work with neuro-atypical children, it’s really hard to find a balance between, well, my child is doing really well academically, but socially, because I do see an overlap, you know, between the other neuro-developmental disorders like ADHD and ASD and that they’re like, but my child is, is struggling, in other aspects. Or my child’s doing well socially, but academically the rigor is not where I would like it to be. So, how do I balance that? So, and then you got commute, right? I have some parents who travel over an hour to go to school one way. So, I think those are some of the difficulties already that we’re facing.

Cindy Lopez: Yeah, I think that so much of what I’m hearing you all say is this aspect of feeling isolated and Dr. Cree you said, the sense of other. And so, one of the things that I think parent support groups can offer is a greater sense of belonging and that, oh my gosh, you know, these are my people. Like, they are having similar experiences to me, and all a sudden I don’t feel alone. You know, there’s a little bit of validation in that, and I know we’ve heard parents especially like in our surveys, for example, lots of parents who say that this group has made such a difference and they don’t feel alone. So, I think that’s a really important aspect that you’ve brought up in some different ways. So, at CHC, our groups, our parent support groups are now virtual. So, what do you think the key advantages to a virtual group are?

Emily Cree, PysD: One of the really special things about the virtual group is that anyone from around the world can join, since it’s not a clinical group or like group therapy. We’ve had people from Europe, from, you know, India. It’s been amazing. So, I really love that there’s this global impact of support where people can jump in and especially for places around the world or even the United States that don’t have the resources that the Bay Area has. So, there’s a lot of sharing and connection I think that can happen that’s just really unique because of the virtual platform.

Cindy Lopez: So, the virtual platform offers a lot of advantages. If there was a downside, what would that be?

Olivia McDonald, PsyD: I feel like the downside might just be like the sense of gathering when it comes to feeling community and belongingness that oftentimes in-person groups that I’ve helped to run, there is like this period before and afterwards where parents can talk and connect offline, outside of the group context, and sometimes make like really rich friendships, and feel like they’re building on their village. So, that’s the only downside I can really think of off the top of my head to the virtual groups that we’re running currently.

Cindy Lopez: Yeah, I think that in general, there are more advantages. Would you agree with me, that there are more advantages to the virtual group than not? Because it offers so much flexibility and convenience too, you can do it from wherever you are and that makes a big difference. And in addition, as Dr. Cree said, like just a wider group, people from the Bay area as well as outside the Bay Area, outside California, and even outside the US. So, you can get some very different perspectives because of that. As you think about that, and you’re all clinicians, knowing that these are not clinical groups, but with your clinician hat on, like what benefits do you think parents who participate in our parent support groups actually get?

Emily Hsu, PhD: There’s a lot of benefits. I’m very biased towards the groups being run virtually because I’ve had the opportunity to have a parent come all the way from Ireland. I had one come twice, which I was so grateful to have. And I also think it allows for, no matter where you are, you know, like there’s not the whole, I got to get in my car, I got to drive to the group, worry about gas, worry about potentially pickup drop off. I think that it allows for that flexibility that you can do the group from anywhere, as long as you have a wifi connection. So, some of the benefits are allowing for the reach to be wider, for example, and then I don’t see because in parent coaching, I also notice if a lot of parents do ask, like, is it virtual? Do I have to come to the office? And they almost look like, they’re like, please say no. And so I think it’s one of those kinds of things where, that flexibility, where you could do it from your phone, and you could also for some of my parents who are only able to drop in for like, maybe half of the time or ask their question and then leave, I think it also allows for that flexibility as well, whereas I think if it was an in-person, which I also love as well, I think it might be a little bit awkward. You know, you might have to get up if you got a phone call and then like exit out of the group. This one you can just exit the meeting. So, I think that’s really nice.

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Cindy Lopez: With your clinician hat on, are there benefits? Are there advantages that you see for the parents in your groups, and how do you think that participation in the support group translates to possibly better outcomes for their children?

Emily Cree, PysD: Each month there’s often parents who just recently found out about the ADHD diagnosis for their kiddo, and that can feel very overwhelming, and there’s so many resources and supports that sometimes that feels baffling on what to do first. And so, I have found that when they are sharing their questions, that you have other parents jumping in who might identify with some similar experiences with their kids saying, “Hey, we did this and this was really helpful. We found that OT was a really great start or maybe a social skills group is a great start.” And so, I think when you have parents who have the experience, which I feel like experience is the best teacher, then there can be so much encouragement of like, okay, we have a clearer route to take to find out how to help our kid as best as we can. So, I think it abates some of those fears and overwhelm that a lot of families come to the group with, which I think is really special.

Cindy Lopez: All of those things, like this sense of parent stress actually being reduced and that sense of overwhelm reduced and finding a calmer space for parents because of their participation in the parent support group. Additionally, I’m wondering, if you’re seeing that parents have the opportunity at least to hear about perhaps more effective coping strategies and advocacy skills for their kids, do you see that coming into play in the support groups?

Olivia McDonald, PsyD: Yeah, I absolutely do, especially with parents with children with anxiety are often asking questions about how to support them at home – whether it be about navigating new transitions, everybody is going back to school right now and some kids are very nervous about it or navigating their social relationships or getting them to sit down and do homework because I know perfectionism is something that’s really on the rise that we’re noticing within the school context that’s driving anxiety. It’s just like how to support them best and like what are those skills that they can scaffold at home? What are the skills that they can also use as the parents who might be feeling really frustrated or really overwhelmed and really stressed by like, how do I support them? And I’m noticing that they will come to sessions to kind of problem solve these like tough parenting moments of being like, my child is really struggling to sit down with homework. They, you know, are struggling with perfectionism, or they’re struggling with procrastination or they’re struggling with not feeling encouraged to try because they’re having a hard time in this class. How do I support them in doing this? 

Or even with my younger kiddos, like how do I help them separate from me? And it’s so stressful to see them cry and then I’m leaving them at school and they seem to be in distress and that puts me in distress. So, I think that’s something that a lot of parents can come receive the validation from other parents that they’ve had similar struggles, whether that was when their own child was younger and now they’re on a different side and they can show the light at the end of the tunnel of being like, we were there in the trenches with you, and I promise it gets better. I think that encouragement piece of trying the skills, buying into putting in the effort, sitting in those tough moments is something that I think really offers a lot of opportunity for parents to be more willing to try strategies that also sometimes sound maybe more creative than they would’ve expected. So, I think that’s something that a lot of people take away from our groups.

Cindy Lopez: One of the pieces that I’m hearing over and over again is that the parents’ experience is validated by others, and I think you can’t overstate that enough because that’s such a meaningful experience for parents who are feeling isolated and alone. Also, Dr. Cree, you mentioned like some parents are coming to the group with kids that have been newly diagnosed, and I’m wondering, there’s a process I know that parents go through as they hear about that diagnosis and try and wrap their heads around it and what that means for the child and for their family and home and all of that. How do you address the kind of varying levels of acceptance and grief that parents in the groups are experiencing – because they’re kind of entering into the parent support group at different points along that journey.

Emily Cree, PysD: Yeah, I think the sense of grief that a lot of parents come in. I think with younger kids who may have gotten an ADHD diagnosis, and potentially among other things like learning differences, there’s a sense of relief of knowing what’s going on, but also deep sadness of this is not what we expected as parents and we’re kind of at a loss of knowing what to do. And I think it’s been really wonderful seeing other parents who’ve been further down that line, jump in and provide that validation and that care to another parent, like, “Hey, we get it and we’ve been down this road as well.” I think that’s a really irreplaceable kind of comfort that someone else can provide to a parent who is trying to figure it out. So, I think that’s been a really neat thing, and I think as a facilitator it’s providing that space of safety and doing what I can to validate and listen and provide a sense of hope. I think when there’s other parents who’ve been down the road, what I’ve seen is that there’s been an increase of a sense of hope that, okay, we can’t take this next step.

Cindy Lopez: And hope is big. Do you all know that story, it’s been around forever – Welcome to Holland. 

So you’re planning to go to Italy and you go, you make all your plans, you’re learning the language. You’re online researching and figuring out where you’re going to go, and you’re totally prepared, like you know every step along the way. And where are you going to stay? And the things you wanna see and how you’re gonna get there. And so you get on the plane, you’re going to Italy and you land and they say, welcome to Holland. You’re like, wait a minute. This is not where I intended to go. And now I’m in a totally different place. I’m not prepared. I don’t know where I’m going here. I don’t know the language. I don’t know what I need to see or what I want to do. And so it’s similar experience with parents, with families, with a newly diagnosed child. All of a sudden their plan, their trajectory has totally changed. And now Holland is great. Holland has tulips. You know there are aspects of Holland that are wonderful too. It’s just different. And I think that that’s part of what parents, especially parents of those who are newly diagnosed, they’re figuring that out. But I think, that also points to the journey that they’re on as they experience supporting their child and finding a sense of belonging for not only for their child, but for themselves and where they fit and how they can get the support they need. I’m wondering, what advice you might give to parents who are hesitant about joining a parent support group?

Emily Hsu, PhD: I would validate that hesitancy. I think support groups have many advantages that we’ve talked about and some maybe challenges. I would say to parents, if you’re hesitant, I’d be really curious about why. Some hesitancies I’ve potentially experienced have been, I don’t have time or I need to go, go, go. I need to put my child in more services. I need to be figuring that out. And it’s been really lovely seeing the parents support each other to be like, yes, this is our support group, like this is our tribe because there almost is this, I’ve experienced feeling like, oh, I have to take care of myself first. And I think that’s why these are called parents support groups because, yes, you do have to take care of yourself first, right? Like we hear it on the plane all the time, you know, put on your oxygen mask before you help others. And so, I would validate that hesitancy. I’d lean into it. I’d be really curious. 

And I always tell my parents, if they’re assigned to do parent coaching with me, I say, I just need like maybe three or four sessions. Just because you’re assigned to me, it doesn’t mean, you know, you have to work with me, but let’s really just get to know each other. And I would suggest parents do that too – like, come to the group. I know in my group, I tell them what my group’s about, I tell it my format, so that there is that expectancy because there’s so many different types of groups. But I would say, drop in, sign-up if you can. So, we know you’re coming, but if there is a hesitancy, you know, just come try us out. Ask your questions or I tell my parents because I note, hey, I see some of you don’t have your camera on. That’s okay. I really want parents to feel safe, and I also want to give parents, and I also name this, the opportunity to just listen. They might not have a question. Just listen, absorb, just see what you think about this group, and we would love your feedback.

Cindy Lopez: So Dr. Cree, Dr. Hsu, Dr. McDonald, really appreciate your time and expertise and experience in sharing that all with us today. And also just really appreciate you taking on the parent support groups and being there for parents. It’s such an important thing and for those parents who are supporting their not so typical kids, it’s a place to feel safe and validated and heard, and sometimes all you need to do is listen, and sometimes you need to talk. And so a parent support group offers the space you need. So, as we wrap up today, I’m wondering if each of you might just take a minute to tell our listeners what you hope they really take away from our conversation today.

Emily Hsu, PhD: I hope that listeners take away that CHC’s here for you. We know that parents are dealing with so much, right. I’m a firm believer in support. That’s also why I’m an adult psychologist. Not to say the children don’t need support, but I feel being an adult, being a parent, being a wife, being a sister, an aunt, I mean, there’s just so many roles that you have to navigate, being a father, being an uncle, it’s a lot. And so what I hope parents, caregivers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers take away is we see you.And I hope to be able to see you. I hope to be able to support you, and I hope that you also feel supported in the group. I’ve been very blessed that my parents support groups have been very supportive of each other. There’s a lot of, we got this, you know, we’re amazing. It’s definitely a cheerleading kind of a group at times. Everyone’s very polite. And it’s just a really wonderful space. I look forward to it every month. And I hope that if you do decide to give one or all of our groups a try, you feel also a sense of community and that this is your safe space because you won’t be judged. And yeah, if you just want to listen, bear witness. We welcome you to do that as well.

Cindy Lopez: Thank you, Dr. Hsu.

Emily Cree, PysD: My hope would be is for parents to know that there are incredible other parents out there who understand your journey at a deeper level than other folks who we may have in our everyday lives. I also believe in the power of connection and it is such an important part of building self-compassion and a sense of empowerment. And I think that those are best done through connection with others, and I think the groups provide that. And then, I think the other thing is hopefully that there’s clear direction on where to seek further support if needed. So, I think that’s where talking with other parents, learning from their experiences and identifying, hey, this might be a helpful next step. I think that’s also, again, building hope and building a sense of empowerment. If I have an idea of what I can do or a strategy I can implement at home and also a sense of feeling seen and understood, which is, I think those are irreplaceable gifts.

Cindy Lopez: Thank you, Dr. Cree.

Olivia McDonald, PsyD: Yeah. Well, I think what I hope to highlight is that parents, you matter just as much as your children. That your challenges, your struggles, your overwhelm, and your stress are just as important to acknowledge, validate, to seek help and problem solve, and to also get the sense of hope and empowerment that there’s more beyond the diagnosis, that there’s more beyond your children’s challenges and that we’re here to hold that space for you.

Cindy Lopez: Dr. McDonald, Dr. Cree, Dr. Hsu, thank you so much for joining us today and being in that important role in facilitating these groups. For our listeners, just to recap, CHC parent support groups are held virtually via Zoom and as you can hear from Dr. Hsu, Dr. Cree and Dr. McDonald today, they are creating a safe and supportive space for parents to be heard and validated. I will say that we try to keep the groups at a size that really promotes discussion and sharing. And so space is limited, so we’d love it if you want to participate, sign up, register ahead of time so we get your space saved. And the discussions are facilitated by our folks that you’ve heard from today, and you can participate at whatever level is most comfortable for you. The first time you come, you might not speak at all, but second and third time you might start joining in and gathering resources and speaking up resources. So, show up in whatever way works for you. And just so you know, the groups are obviously adults only and are geared toward parents and caregivers and also just want to make it clear that they’re not therapy sessions. So, our clinicians are there to really facilitate the discussion versus do a group therapy session. You can find out more if you’re interested by emailing [email protected]. If you’re interested in parent coaching, which is a different opportunity and service at CHC, you can email our Care Team at [email protected]. Thank you for everything that you do to lead and facilitate those parent support groups.

You can find out more about our parent support groups online at chconline.org. You can select Community Engagement and then navigate to parent support groups where you can find the link to sign up for a parent support group. And you’ll also find the link in our show notes. Thank you so much for joining us today. 

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