Cindy Lopez: Welcome. My name is Cindy Lopez, the host of this CHC podcast, Voices of Compassion. We hope you find a little courage, feel connected and experience compassion every time you listen.

Join us for an important conversation about the mental health challenges facing young people in our community where academic pressure, perfectionism, and social media create unique stressors for students and families. We will talk with CHC’s CEO Ryan Eisenberg, about how CHC can come alongside families in their toughest moments with compassionate care, through clinical services, school partnerships, and innovative community programs. CHC is working to make mental health support accessible to all, including free parent consultations and free parent support groups to culturally competent services in multiple languages. Discover practical steps parents and educators can take today. Normalize conversations about mental health, engage support systems, and remember that we’re all part of a community. This episode offers hope that when we work together and eliminate the shame around asking for help, every young person can thrive. 

Ryan, thank you so much for joining us today. Before we get started, I’d love it if you could take a minute to tell our listeners just a little bit more about you.

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Yeah, sure Cindy. Thanks first for having me here today. I am excited to have this conversation. You know, I like to tell people that special education and young people with neurodiversity has been part of my entire life. I have a brother with really complex needs, developmental disabilities and like a lot of younger brothers, I followed him everywhere he went. And I’ve been volunteering with Special Olympics and going to his youth group since as long as I can remember. I’m also a father and have a son with learning differences and who struggles with anxiety. And professionally, I was a special education teacher who specialized in working with young people with social emotional disabilities and young people that were struggling with their school outcomes, youth in the foster system, kids with significant mental health needs. And so this has just been part of who I am and my journey. 

I believe that neurodiversity is a wide spectrum that’s inclusive of people that think differently, that learn differently, that regulate their emotions in different ways and that it’s up to all of us to help enrich as many young people and help them thrive in order to make our community stronger. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity of leading CHC for the last three years, and it gives me the opportunity to give back to our community and make our community a stronger place.

Cindy Lopez: Ryan, just hearing your story and thinking about all the experiences you’ve had, I think you’re really in this unique position to talk about the most pressing challenges you’re seeing right now among our youth and families. What does that look like to you?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Yeah. I think the world is changing rapidly for youth and families. I mean, the world that our teenagers and young people have to deal with today is so much different than even 15, 20 years ago. Technology is out pacing the way we adapt as people. It’s shifting the way people experience other people or interact with communities. And I would say overall stress in the world is just greater. Our prior Surgeon General had done a series of reports talking about youth mental health, parents’ wellbeing, the impacts of technology. And what he was doing was looking at systems and how all these systems interact. And I think that’s something that gets lost when we talk about this larger conversation. 

I think time is also changing, that families ever since COVID, I think all of us are feeling more challenged when it comes to time. And the impact of that is the quality of time that we spend with each other, sometimes isn’t happening as much as it should be. And that compounds some of the stress that families are experiencing. And we’re in this moment where the federal government is dramatically changing the way they view their role in social safety net, health and wellness outcomes. And that, again, compounds the stress going on in families. And those things just exasperate some of the mental health challenges we’re seeing locally, statewide, nationally, and even internationally.

Cindy Lopez: It’s so interesting. It’s a good reminder to think about the systems and how the systems really impact our youth and families. Because in our work, at least in work that we do in Community Engagement, it’s so focused on parents and families and that’s really important. But all of those outside forces play a part in what our youth and families are experiencing today and this kind of unrest and feeling unsettled that I think most people are feeling today. As we think about that, how does that really impact our need for community or what we should be thinking about in terms of community?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Healthy communities are connected. I mean, we’re all people and the foundation is relationships. And we’re living in a time where we have greater financial pressures. It’s more likely that parents are working multiple jobs or we have an ultra connected community, which is creating disconnection, meaning, more and more meetings by Zoom, which means more and more meetings stacked or kids interacting with each other on cell phones instead of direct conversations and spending quality time together. And what it does is it sets circumstances up where we’re losing some of that direct connection that makes communities healthy. It’s also losing some of that connection that helps us build resilience over time. And understanding how to navigate challenges that come up just naturally and social interactions and all those things I think have impact into how young people are developing and their ability to be resilient and navigate just the ups and downs that the world presents us all the time. And my hope is really to see our communities re-engage and say, we want to reground ourselves in the things that are beneficial and make the neighborhoods we live in and the networks we belong to special.

Cindy Lopez: As you just noted, your remarks about the community, I’m thinking about the local community too. Obviously community is larger than just our local community, but we know that in our community, the peninsula and in the Bay Area, there is a bit of a public health crisis. And it’s not only our community, it is larger than that. But I wonder if you would speak to what’s happening in our local community and how we can respond?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: There’s an overall mental health crisis nationally, internationally. And locally, primarily in the Palo Alto, Menlo Park area. There’s even higher incidences and disproportionality even in comparison to the larger state and nation, which speaks to, we have some factors locally that are impacting young people’s development and their mental health and their overall wellbeing. I really think that locally we need a shared goal and vision for young people. A unified definition of what we think it takes for a young person to thrive and how we help young people build the right skills in order to get there. I don’t think it’s about casting blame and I see systems often working towards solutions, but doing that independently from one another where I think, you know, our cities, our families, our districts, our community providers need to come together and say, this is the qualities and skills that are going to help a person be successful and be resilient and really thrive as they’re young adults into their adulthood.

Locally, if I were really think about it, I think we struggle with perfectionism. You know, having high standards is a very good thing, and that actually helps young people thrive. Having a culture of perfectionism can actually be counterintuitive, and it’s a fine line between the two, but when we have a culture of perfectionism, there’s a lot of shame that goes into not achieving what that one defined truth is, and that shame could then whittle away at a person’s wellbeing and how they feel about themselves. And we need to find a way to shift to high standards, but not expect perfectionism and help build the resilience that goes to just the natural journey in life. I mean, I think the reality is all of us set goals and then the world and life happens and those pivot and change over time and that’s okay. And I think that’s the larger sense of driving towards high standards, but also understanding that the journey is imperfect and there will be pivots and changes and we all just change and adapt as we get older.

I would really love to see and I think we’re seeing the beginnings of this in some of the conversations that we’re having locally right now, both with the city and the school district and other really critical partners in our community is how do we come together and how do we move out of this reactionary state and move more towards that larger definition and planning that goes to helping young people thrive and be successful in their lives.

Cindy Lopez: I think that collective work or collective goals that you’re referred to among individual organizations within a community is really important. And I think we’ve done some of that at CHC, which we’ll talk about but that idea of perfectionism versus high standards I think is a really good one to point out. And I think most of our listeners are parents and they’re probably wondering, like, how do I set high standards and support my student, my child, without expecting perfectionism? Do you have any advice about that?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Yeah, like I had said earlier, I mean, it’s a really bit of a fine line, but part of learning and development is the ability to take risks. It’s also the ability to learn from failures. And so it’s normalizing that failing and making mistakes is actually a good thing, and that actually helps us move towards being more resilient and being more effective in our problem solving, our ability to navigate challenges when they come up. And that small nuance, I think goes a long way in making a difference. I also think, you know, and this is a challenge, I would say, I even experienced being a father of my own is my wants and desires for my kids shouldn’t supersede the wants and desires that my own kids have for their lives. What I should really hope for is that they find joy and happiness as they get older and that can be really difficult because particularly having young kids, you do have hopes and aspirations for those young kids, and I have to have myself take a step back and say, what is it that they’re passionate about and how do I support that and help them in that process? And how am I there to support them when they do fall and make mistakes or not succeed and let them know that that’s okay, and that’s part of the journey and that’s part of learning. And that can be really challenging. I think the other aspect of that is remembering the support systems that we all have and having support systems that can tell us when we need to take a step back or we need to maybe redefine what we’re defining as success. And then letting our children be part of that collective journey.

Cindy Lopez: You talked about an imperfect journey and that’s for all of us, right? We are not going to do this perfectly. As a parent, you’re not going to do it perfectly, but I think what you just said, Ryan, in terms of like being there and taking risks and accepting that failures and mistakes are part of the process and how parents can respond to their kids in those moments is with compassion and care and curiosity and listen and all those things. It’s so important to the kid’s ability to keep on moving forward. Going back to thinking about some of the things you talked about in terms of our community, our local community, the larger community, if you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about how we approach youth mental health and learning, what would that be?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: First and foremost, I want to see all kids feeling like they have a connection, you know, it can’t be understated. We talk relationships a lot, but really, what is that? Secure attachments. Everybody needs a person they feel connected to that enables risk taking. It also enables vulnerability. And I think we should really strive to make sure that every young person has a strong connection and relationship. I think we should be striving for that we should never lose somebody to suicide, and that’s obviously a big ambition, but for me it’s how do we drive towards creating that community of connection and culture where   we’re really striving for people feeling like they have a place and that they’re able to be vulnerable and that it’s okay not to feel okay sometimes, and that tomorrow’s going to be a better day. I said this earlier, but I’d like to see our collective community rally together and have a shared vision for kids. And to be proactive in defining that future for kids and engage the youth in that too, and what it means to thrive and redefining what it means to thrive. And this gets to some of the community pressures that we talked about earlier with this lack of time and this pressure to work. And we have to get back to basics and what sort of creates happiness and creates community and that’s connectivity, and that’s time with family, and that’s time with friends. And that’s finding an underlying joy in the things that we do. And that’s not to say people shouldn’t follow their passions, they absolutely should, but I think we have to get back to the essence of those basic things that then you know make our community a stronger place. And I sort of touched on this a little bit as well, but I think it’s moving from reactive modes. And we need a good system that can react to tragedy or crisis when it happens. And we need to make a fundamental change that we’re focused on setting the standards to just make healthier communities in the long-term and being more proactive in that and not as reactionary to that.

We were talking about through the context of mental health, young people thriving in our communities and defining what it could look like or what we should be striving for in a young person as they develop. You could also link that to work settings that are out as well. I mean, many employers right now are talking about people coming out of college that have all of the right core content skills needed to be successful, and yet those young people are not being successful and they’re seeing higher turnovers, rapid cycling. And that to me speaks to those underlying skills that we’re not paying enough attention to, whether it be emotional intelligence or building resiliency or understanding that sometimes the path to learning is through failure. And, to me, like that should be a strong message beyond the mental health factors that we’re talking about, that we need to sort of redefine how we’re going about partnering with schools and developing our communities and working collectively to help our young people become thriving, contributing members of our community.

Mike Navarrete: CHC’s Voices of Compassion podcast is made possible by the generosity of people like you. To learn more about supporting CHC, go to chconline.org/donate. Also make sure to follow us on social media for more inspiring and educational content from CHC.

Cindy Lopez: Schools can be such a place of competition and comparison, and they can also be a place of community and belonging for a student. So, how can educators think about that, too? How do schools respond in that atmosphere of competition and comparison with wellness and belonging and feeling like all students have a place to belong? And you mentioned this too, like allies, important adults in their life that they feel like they can connect with and be okay not being okay, as you said previously. As I think about that, I am wondering what advice you might give to our listeners who could be parents, who could be teachers? What could they actually do, even tomorrow to make a difference?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Before I go to the what parents and schools can do. I want to talk a little bit about schools because you’re touching on I think something that I care deeply about. You know, having been a teacher, having been a principal, and by the way, I think being a principal is one of the greatest jobs in the world. You’re sort of like a grandparent, and you have a lot of fun with kids and you send them back to their teachers. But besides that, you know, I think there’s an aspect of balance that schools need. And this goes back to that high standards conversation that we had earlier. Like of course you want schools that have high standards and are helping kids develop their skills, but you can’t forget about all those surrounding aspects. Like every school, when a student walks in the doors should be greeted with a hello. There should be a culture of smiling and waving and saying hi to the kids that go around. There should be shared understanding of who everybody is in the community. And I get in certain high school settings with thousands of kids, that gets tough, but you should all have somebody you feel deeply connected to, and you should have a lot of folks that know your name and vice versa. And there should be just this deep caring and sense of, how do we build community and culture. There should be shared activities, shared events. Like, I think schools do an excellent job, for lack of better descriptor, branding. And there’s tremendous pride in whether it’s the mascots or symbols and that’s an important aspect of helping people feel connected. And all those things are just as valuable as the content being taught in classrooms. And again, when those struggles come up, then young people know they have somewhere to turn or that it’s going to be okay, or they’re not going be thought of any less if they don’t do as well on this as they did on that. And I think, you know, for schools it’s how do you foster those kind of connections that kind of help young people really feel the pride that goes into being part of something that’s bigger than just the educational experience.

When it comes to advice or things that parents or schools can do, I think first and foremost, it’s remembering you’re part of a community. You could feel like you’re on an island, particularly if you’re a family that has a young person struggling with their mental health or their learning, it could feel lonely. You could feel like people don’t understand, but you’re not alone. It’s a lot of our community. And remember that there are others around you and remember to tap into your support systems. I think you want to foster partnerships. And that’s whether it’s engaging in sports or schools or clubs or your neighbors, it’s make sure that you’re an engaged partner in what that looks like. You won’t always agree with your school or your teacher or vice versa. And, everybody’s there to support that young person. And you got to keep that frame in mind and you should approach it in a sense of we’re both collectively here for what we think is right for my child, my student, and how do we partner in achieving that? I think you have to be okay talking about wellness, mental health, you got to be able to acknowledge when you’re stressed out or when your day might not be going as well. And that’s something I know I’m practicing even articulating to my own son and just acknowledging, you know, I mean we all have tough days, that’s just part of life. And sometimes it’s okay to say, you know what? I had a tough day and I’m feeling a little bit stressed out, but it’s also going to be okay and tomorrow’s a new day. And I think always reminding people that tomorrow’s a new day. We all have ups and downs, highs and lows. And being able to model that I think goes a long way in a young person thinking to themselves like, it’s okay. Like I stumbled today and it’s okay. Tomorrow’s a new day. And, you know, none of us are perfect and we need to be able to acknowledge that. And then, again, it’s modeling. Engage your support systems where if you’re in a moment where things are just more difficult be okay with engaging your support system and seeking help. And if you have strong partnerships, that’s easier to do and that willingness to ask for help or just engage I think is important. And the last thing I would say, and this goes back to something we talked about earlier, it’s protect those really critical, important times. And if that’s time with friends, if that’s time with your family, make sure that becomes a priority. And you’re engaging in that and it’s something you hold sacred. I think that goes a long way as well.

Cindy Lopez: I think it is really important, and I know I’ve heard this time and time again as I host these episodes and speak with a lot of our own experts at CHC, I’ve heard from them, like modeling is so important and you reference that too, Ryan, like, I am having a hard day. And so talking with your kids about that is important because as they watch you responding to that and they learned from that, and I think that makes a big difference. And also, I just mentioned this previously too, but be curious. And ask questions…I mean, like, teens don’t like to be asked questions or challenged in any way, but ask questions that really indicate your interest and how much you care about them. And then listen, it’s be curious and listen, I think those two things come up over and over again.

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: I love that. I love the be curious. I also love the comment about teens because, you know, having a young teenager, I would agree, but I love that concept of be curious. I would also add in be humble because as parents we’re going to make mistakes and like that’s okay. And sometimes just going back and talking to your child about the mistake that you made and owning it. There’s real power in that too. And I love the curiosity because that’s a way to empower your child to own the conversation, but also shows your direct interests and allows them to articulate that or communicate it in the way that’s meaningful to them while also showing your interest. So I just love that.

Cindy Lopez: Yeah. And again, that’s modeling for them. Like that’s how they can be too with other people. As we think about youth and families, and a lot of the work that we do at CHC, we are seeing families and sometimes in some of their toughest moments, some of their hardest moments. So, let’s talk about CHC. We talked about what’s happening in the community, where we think there’s opportunity so I would love it if you would just take a minute to talk about CHC and how CHC is entering into the community and helping.

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: I said this when I did my opening, but I’m so humbled and privileged to have the opportunity to lead CHC. I mean, 70 years and counting in the community. And I think one of the things that’s made CHC such a stable force within the community over its long history is its ability to be agile and be responsive to community needs. You know, I also said earlier, I mean we’re seeing just a fundamental change in how government views its role in social safety net, which is adding pressures and stress, in a time where wellness, mental health and special education and disability services is already taxed and stressed, and we’re seeing rising need.

So, we’re trying to be responsive to the rising need and try to make ourselves more available to our local community. What that looks like is some geographic expansion from our opening a clinic in San Jose to moving to a larger school site on the northeast side of San Jose that will expand our capacity within our schools and also expand our capacity within our clinic settings. We’re also trying to be really mindful of the cultural competence that goes into serving an ever diversifying community within Santa Clara County and San Mateo County, and being thoughtful of our workforce and how we design our workforce so that we can be available to serve the community in multiple languages or with the cultural competence that makes a difference in helping people engage with critical services. 

I also think our Ravenswood work really speaks to how we go about partnering with communities. And, you know, considering earlier I talked about community and partnership, I thought it was important to highlight the work we do in Ravenswood. And essentially, we’ve been in the East Palo Alto, Ravenswood community for over 10 years now. We were asked to go to the community and what we saw was there was a lot of wonderful nonprofits already working there. And what we did was instead of delivering direct service, we became a liaison and a facilitator to make sure kids were effectively getting to the right nonprofits and the right types of support networks. As that became successful, we also started engaging more deeply with the community to de-stigmatize mental health and create greater connectivity. We launched an internship program to help build and develop community-based mental health practitioners. And then we opened an office in the community so that whether it’s us or some of our nonprofit partners could deliver their services inside the community, which is also meaningful and impactful. Now we provide gap services, and we’re doing some direct service, and that’s designed so that kids don’t have to be on a waitlist. And the reason I highlight that was it was truly through a partnership and us getting out and meeting the community and understanding what needs were that helped our first initial design process, but then also the evolutions that have gone to our work in the East Palo Alto community. And we try to have that intentionality when we’re thinking about our school designs or how we’re designing our clinics. And what does an integrated model of care look like and how do we help eliminate some of the barriers to access in order to both help people engage in critical supports and services, but also take that leap of faith and partner with us for their own journey and towards their own thriving in the community.

Cindy Lopez: You talked about geography, like, strategically, let’s be where the needs are, let’s be where the people are that we’re serving. So, the campus in Northeast San Jose and our clinical services also in San Jose and now in East Palo Alto. Accessibility is such a big thing and that’s part of it. Be where the people are and where the need is. And you talked a little bit about multiple languages and cultural competence. Are there other ways in which CHC also makes its services more accessible?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Yeah, there absolutely are. I mean, we have a pretty robust financial aid slighting scale. We do scholarships for our school programs. We do financial aid for our clinical services and really our goal is how do we identify and eliminate barriers to access care. The geographic expansion, you know, what we saw was families tended to have a strong preference to in-person services. And, this goes back to some of the stressors with more limited time, with impacted work schedules to just a growing difficulty to get to a campus that maybe is far away. And so how do we get services closer to people? And how do we create an environment where they’re able to access the type of care they want? And be thoughtful about what flexibility can look like. So for us, some of the teleservices we do isn’t always about just signing up for direct telehealth services. It’s about that flexibility of I can go see my clinician today and weekly, and if something comes up in my schedule, I can pivot. And ask for a remote session. And so, it’s that identification of what is a potential barrier for families and then how do we create a solution, so that they’re able to access care?

You know, we also do things like free resources. Very often in the community when I’m meeting folks who are like, oh, I know CHC, one of their first entry points are some of our parent support groups. And again, that gets to helping parents see that they’re not on an island. And we make that available as a free resource to the community. We also have a comprehensive resource library that teachers and practitioners and families, and even young people can access and get resources when they have questions about their learning or their wellbeing or any kind of a range of issues across neurodiversity. And so our goal is like how do we have reach? How do we lift up the systems in which kids are in while also delivering direct care to young people and the families.

Cindy Lopez: Yeah, and so having been at CHC for about 15 years myself, and being an educator, you know, I’m not the mental health expert, but being here and being involved in this work, I have seen clear impact with families and parents and kids because of how CHC has been flexible in delivering services. And I think that just ties back to what you just said, Ryan is we really want to be compassionate about the care that we deliver. And part of that compassion is understanding that we need to meet people where they’re at. And so that means some flexibility on our part. That means some financial assistance and other things. And as you already mentioned, CHC being here for 70 years that gives us a lot of experience and credibility in the community, and I hear that over and over again in our work. 

Really thankful for this time that you’ve given us today and sharing your thoughts and your expertise and a little bit about who you are and your life. As we wrap it up, I’m wondering what gives you hope, where are you seeing some momentum or change?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: There’s actually several areas. The first I would say is, you know, if you look at the long arc of whether it’s neurodiversity more generally, classically, in special education referred to as disabilities, but we were founded 70 years ago on the principle of, kids that were going to institutions should be served in their local community and served in a robust way. And that was one of those first movements of saying, you know, kids a lot like my brother, should be home and should be in their community. If we were to look at today, and especially coming out of COVID, there’s been this movement towards greater understanding to wellness, mental health, emotional disabilities, and understanding that that’s also a part of neurodiversity. And I think, you know, as we as communities develop understanding of the wide breadth that goes within neurodiversity, it sort of empowers us then to build stronger communities and stronger systems, whether that be the way we design our schools or beyond. And so I’m seeing more and more kids included in those conversations. I mean, just quite frankly, our communities are stronger with the more people we help thrive. And so the better we are at understanding young people that have for whatever reason, traditionally not had the success, and if we’re able to create greater inclusivity to those groups, it just makes our community a stronger place. So, you see that kind of long arc that gives me hope. I also said earlier, there’s just growing tensions within our community with everything that’s going on around us to just the pressures of time. And I think I’m beginning to see folks talk about that and articulate that more and say, you know, I have a calling for, I want to be grounded in these basics.

And again, I think it’s that identification that’s going to help bring us closer together. And not separate us. And I think that also gives me hope, and gives me optimism towards our future. And then finally, we spent a lot of this conversation talking about what aspects can help young people thrive. Every year, at CHC, we do a youth panel discussion. And one of the things that I’m always struck with is the level of resilience that our young people have. And although, in this conversation trying to push us towards being really thoughtful to how we design schools and how we interact with one another. I also see young people that are resilient, that have amazing ideas that are being really thoughtful about what inclusivity looks like and how to build belonging within communities. And that absolutely gives me hope. I’m seeing young people have solutions and thinking around technology that I don’t have, and again, that gives me hope that we have a generation of people coming up that are going to offer solutions to problems we’re currently grappling with and make just all of us stronger. And I think that’s an amazing thing.

Cindy Lopez: Yeah, I definitely see that too. Our youth who are coming up with these really innovative ideas around how to solve some of these problems or make steps forward. And it’s encouraging and it’s amazing. Ryan, do you have any final thoughts that you want to share with our listeners?

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: I would just say that if you’re on this journey right now and you have children at home, or a young person or even yourself and you’re struggling with your mental health or your wellness or experiencing the difficulties that go to having learning differences, just want to remind people that you’re not alone. That it is a journey. There are going to be ups and downs to this process, and it’s going to be okay. And that we’re here for you. You have others within your network and lives that are there for you, and that it’s going to be okay and that we can all get through this together. And then beyond that, Cindy, I just want to thank you. I think this has been a wonderful conversation. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to talk and I’ve appreciated being able to speak a little bit to anyone that’s out there listening. So, thank you.

Cindy Lopez: Ryan, thanks so much for joining us and for sharing a little bit more about yourself and what motivates you and gets you into work every day. So, thank you for that. To our listeners, thank you for joining us. As Ryan said, we are here for you. If you need help, if your child needs help, we have parent coaching. We can do free consultations and we also have all of our schools and clinical services. You can reach out to our care team by email at [email protected]. You can also call our care team at 650-688-3625. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Ryan Eisenberg, EdD: Thank you, Cindy.

Cindy Lopez: Visit us online at podcasts.chconline.org. Make sure to subscribe to Voices of Compassion so you never miss an episode, and we’d love it if you’d leave us a rating and review. Have a question? Send us an email or a voice memo at [email protected]. We’re here for you when you need us.